Intestines have been a bit dodgy for the last couple of days. I don’t know why, but then I never know why, so nothing changes.
For some reason I just feel exhausted today. Tired of having to put up with this stuff for 16 years, tired of having to cope, but mostly just tired of wanting something so badly for year after year and never getting it.
There aren’t many things I want in life. The other day I decided that the only things I really wanted were a flat of my own and one of those expensive reclining chairs that has a fridge in the armrest and does the hoovering while you sleep.
But I could live without those things very easily, and if I never get them then I won’t really care. If I never get rid of the IBS then I’m not really sure what I’m gonna do. Fifty more years of this? And I’m so tired.
15 responses so far ↓
1 Phil // Jul 23, 2006 at 9:46 am
Sophie,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. Hang in there kiddo, I have days when I find its a pain in the rear literally. I find I can eat some things one day, no probs, and then eat them again a week later and have problems. Don’t let it get u down. Lifes too short to let it rule you.
regards,
Phil
2 juliet // Jul 23, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Sophie, you sound blue – but at the risk of being labelled a cock-eyed optimist, I am sure that there are better days ahead. Perhaps it was the heat making you feel tired – I know that last week I felt just knackered – it was a real effort to do anything at all, except flop into the arnchair, or onto to the bed. Food had little attraction,so less was consumed – and guess what ! I had constipation instead of the opposite !! Not being able to access your life story on pdf., as this stone age computer has very limited abilities, I have not read it. So am very curious about your comment that one thing you really wished for was a flat to yourself – do I take it that you are living at home or sharing ? As a widow I live on my own – correction, with the cat ! – and to me the big advantage ( without sounding too selfish) I can now do what I want, at my own speed, when I want – and that includes taking over the bathroom and toilet, making as much noise and moans, with the colic as I want ( the cat just runs for shelter!) eat the foods that I know agree with me – no whacking slices of steak with chips ( ugh! I feel nauseous even writing that !) That does all sound so selfish but I can cope with all that IBS throws at me without the adverse comment – the one we know so well – it’s all in the head !! Sophie, I don’t suppose all the above helps very much, and I know that it is so difficult to recall life without IBS. As you have recorded in your BLOGS, it can get better, for a time, and then whoops! here we go again- and I feel that your comments writers know all about that. Delete me from your contact list if you want, but I would miss being on contact with like souls – the miserable lot that we are at times !! I have severe tinnitus to cope with at the other end of the body – and to alleviate the discomfort of that, the radio is always on in my house – I go to sleep with it on, as the output that I have set just cancels out the constant express trains that roar through my head – and there is no end to that either !!! so from another miserable,at times, soul – keep hoping and find your flat !
3 Emma // Jul 24, 2006 at 10:30 am
I know what you mean hun. I was in tears the other night because I had just had enough. I wanted it all to end right there and then. The thought of me still being like this when I am 80 years old or something scares the hell out of me.. I cant cope with it now so how will I then? I just try to make the most of my few good days to make up for the mountain of bad ones.. Yes I burn out and spend the next week in pain and tired out, but its worth it.. xx
4 Claire // Jul 24, 2006 at 11:55 am
Well, harsh as this sounds, I just came back from the bathroom in tears, so am pleased to know that I am not the only one who has lost their sunny disposition. I have been in fear of going too much, then suddenly as my period finished this weekend, I got constipation pains. My friend, used to be a alternative nurse, gave me this slippery elm. I will try anything, so I did, and apparently it has no side effects at all. Lets put it this way, my constipation pain turned to “leg it to the loo” pain this morning. Good planner that I am, there is always a loo closeby. But now I am cynical about my new wonderherb. Surely within 2 hours it can’t have made my bowels worse? To stick with any new “cure” is my problem. I want instant results and I want them now!!! I have only had it severe for 9 months. Not even a year. Sophie has had it for what, 16 years? Thats not even worth thinking about. Sometimes a whole box of codeine is a very tempting thought, because I’m happiest when I’m asleep – in my dreams, I don’t have IBS. But if you lot can do it, so can I. Don’t give up Sophie, if you can do it, I might get pass the next 16 (I’m only 22. God help us!)
5 juliet // Jul 24, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Having just read the comments from Claire and Emma, I am beginning to think that this site should be compulsory reading for trainee GP’s!!! Where else can they read what it really is all about, but from those that know what it is all about ! My grandson is a med. student,in his 4th. year – I think I’ll recommend this site and its ‘gut’ feelings as suitable bedtime reading !!!
6 Amy A. // Jul 25, 2006 at 3:24 am
I just wanted to say I was reading a bit of your blog and I understand more than you know. I have had IBS in various forms since I can remember (even as a small child) and there have been moments of reprieve, but rarely in the last few years have I felt a consistent relief.
I did want to say, at least so far in my case, that the only thing that is working so far is to take a lower dose (around 20 mg) of Prozac a day. No, this does not make my IBS a psychological disorder, but there is something about the serotonin levels or whatnot that actually seem to be helping in my case. I was almost perfect for over a month, then I started on birth control and now I am in the worst pain I’ve had in a long time. I guess I know what’s NOT going to be taken much longer!
Keep your head up. I didn’t even take the Prozac for the IBS, I had other issues, but it blissfully was a great side effect for me that I felt so little pain. For someone who literally has been in the bathroom for 2 hours a day at work, that was heaven. Maybe it wouldn’t work for you, but it shows that sometimes things we don’t even think of make a difference!
7 Paul // Jul 25, 2006 at 12:10 pm
I can relate to the fatigue with
IBS, its a real killer.
8 Sophie Lee // Jul 28, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Thanks as always for all the comments. To Jooliet – I live on my own in a rented flat at the moment, but I’d love to actually buy my own flat and be able to decorate it and stuff. Trouble is house prices are just silly, so not sure when I’ll be able to manage it.
9 Caroline (Blondie) // Jul 29, 2006 at 2:10 am
Spot on, as always. Just how I feel tonight, posted something similar though on a different line on my own blog – I was thinking earlier that I’m always so tired because I’m always thinking. We simply don’t get any time off – we have to be continually aware of everything we do and everything we eat and anything we have planned and so on and so forth. Even when we’re forcing optimism, we’re still having to think to do so, and use energy to keep that positive thought going. I just want to ‘be’. To ‘live’. Not to ‘think’, all day every day, all night every night. Do we really want too much???
10 Sophie Lee // Jul 29, 2006 at 7:50 pm
Exactly – we can’t just relax and forget about IBS, or there’s normally hell to pay…
11 ken // Aug 9, 2006 at 7:19 pm
Sophie, I’m 45 and I’ve had symptoms of IBS for some 18 months now and am only just at the point where in the next 12 weeks I’ll definitely know it is in fact, IBS.
I can only sympathise with all sufferers as people including close family do not comprehend just how debilitating this awful syndrome can be.I get the bloating,wind,and awful cramps that double me up so all I can do is lie down.I switch between galloping diarrhoea and crushing constipation and seem to feel at my worst first thing in the morning after a movement. The tiredness and pain is awful.Ive just been put on Prozac myself for anxiety and although only a week or two in, I’m starting to feel some slight improvement. However, I was warned that it will take three weeks or so before the tablets will really work. So fingers crossed then.My problems were triggered in Jan 2006 when we all had that winter vomiting bug as I hadn’t suffered with my bowels previously.I just enjoy the few good days and try to ride the bad ones out.
12 Lee // Aug 30, 2006 at 11:37 am
I suffer from IBS and hate it because it sounds like a made up ilness to get time off work (my work have given me a warning for hitting 9 days sick in 12 months). Sadly it is very real, although not noticable to people who want to give you a visual diagnosis. I feel tired a lot, sometimes feeling so tired I think I am going to pass out so I understand the feelings you have. Also there is the bloated feeling and pain which leaves you not wanting to stand, move or do anything much. People think I am quite mad because I will happily talk about my bowel movements, after 18 years it becomes just another thing, another part of life. Anyway, enough me, I hope it gets better with time and you are ok. cheers
Lee
13 janwhite // Sep 11, 2006 at 11:15 am
Morning just stumbled on this site today glad to know i am not alone. I have been suffering since about April of this year, after 2nd line chemothrapy for ovarian cancer. Sometimes wonder if it is the cancer that has returned but the symptoms desctribed are the same as i am suffering. I only want to be happy dont have the time to spend in the toilet.
14 BlueBelle // Sep 14, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Hi! Just came across your site today. I know how you feel. I’ve had IBS since before it had a name – late 60s. Sometimes I think I have it under control with Buscopan and lots of boiled (And cooled!)water. Sometimes it catches me out! I try to avoid all the nice foods. I try to keep cheerful. Sometimes I just bitch a whole afternoon away. Best of luck. God bless.
15 allan bishop // Jan 1, 2007 at 10:01 pm
hi can i wish you all a very happy new year let this be the year we dont have to suffer with this awful ibs regards allan
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