women suffering diarrhea - page twenty-one
The tale of...Diana
Hello, I'm Diana, I'm 20 and I study music at university in London. My symptoms started off quite mildly. I simply remember not a day passing as a child where I didn't have a stomach cramp. These were dismissed by teachers as attention seeking or exaggeration. However, at that time I never had any problems with my stools.
When I got to around the age of 12, I noticed that passing wind would help relieve the pain, which at that time could get so bad it made me feel nauseous. But for a child that spends all their time at school with friends, passing wind was not always welcome, and I had one or two embarrassing moments where my colon would make itself heard! I also began to get constipated sometimes.
This carried on for the next few years, until about last year, when the pain was always accompanied by diarrhea. I thought this was a passing phase, and I thought it would stop if I discontinued to eat dairy products. A mistake I have learned many people have made.
In my gap year, I worked in a cafe which had one staff toilet which was also used by customers, but which had no ventilation whatsoever. I developed horribly painful stomach cramps and diarrhea at work, and would lock myself in the bathroom but refuse to go to the toilet, and wait for the pain to go away (only for it to come back again in 20 minutes!).
However, in the end, I felt that I was being so poisoned by what was in my bowel that I didn't care anymore, I just sat on the toilet and went for ages. Eventually I had to tell the owner, who was incredibly understanding and would let me have a timeout when I was having an attack.
I had cut out most of the dairy food in my diet, but my IBS was getting worse, so by this time I was afraid to eat. I was gassy, in pain, nauseous, had headaches, frequent loose stools and general fear to go out! The only thing I could bring myself to eat at that point was lettuce and water.
Around this time, I also had my pianoforte auditions to get into London conservatoires. You can imagine what the stress and nervousness did to my bowel. Performing, I was in so much pain, and was just relieved when it was over because I could finally go to the toilet and let it all out! Needless to say, I didn't get accepted to the conservatoires.
Today, I found this website, read the story on the front page and cried. It is such a relief to know that other people feel this too, and that I have it good compared to some. The fear I feel is indescribable when I know I need to get to the toilet, and I know what is in store. Sometimes, when I'm in pain, I wonder if childbirth will be as bad as this.
Nothing seems to help, but saying that I haven't tried many remedies yet. I just shut up and go, and hope no-one can hear me crying in the toilet. I have to mention I live with my boyfriend in shared accommodation with six other people, and there are only two toilets, so it is imperative I don't draw attention to myself when I am having a bad attack, which now seems to be every weekend without fail.
When I tell university friends, they just say "Oh Diana, I didn't want to know that, that's disgusting!", but how else do I answer why I wasn't in the day before, or why I am sitting there looking miserable? What would they have preferred to hear? That I couldn't be bothered, like them, to come in? I'm not going to lie just because they are too disgusted to hear the truth.
Thankfully, I get relief in the form of my mother. She has suffered from IBS since childhood, and she helps me, and understands, and doesn't say "yuk" when I describe my recent stool to her. My boyfriend also makes excuses for me at restaurants when I have disappeared to the bathroom for an unacceptable period of time.
To be honest, I have never experienced sympathy from others when I tell them what's wrong (apart, of course, from my amazing mother), only the presumption that it's purely psychological, or, more frequently, reactions of discomfort tinged with disgust, like how dare you mention your bowels to us.
Anyway, it was a relief to get that off my chest! I don't think my condition is severe, although I do feel CONSTANTLY bloated, like I want to fart all the time, and just the thought of coffee or dairy makes me want to open my bowels there and then, even if my stomach isn't cramping!
I keep hoping for a miracle cure, or anything to feel normal again. And I think I always will.
E-mail Diana: a_crazy_fish[at]hotmail.com
The tale of...Kimberly
I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have found this website. I always thought I was the only person in the world who wasn't "normal", the only one who has been driven into isolation, who has had their life ruined by this miserable disorder.
I have had practically every known test there is and no doctor has been able to find out what is wrong with me. They think I'm just a hypochondriac and a nuisance. Sometimes I am so desperate that I wish I would just die and get it over with. After reading the stories here, I feel a little bit better, not so much like a freak.
I want to wish all my fellow sufferers all the best and the strength to deal with this disease.
E-mail Kimberly: f.rudolph[at]freenet.de
The tale of...Mandy
I am 27 years old and I don't remember a time in my life when I've had totally normal bowel function. However, just before I married, about three years ago, the symptoms escalated considerably.
Sometimes I feel like I am rambling on and on to everyone about my symptoms, trying to prove that I really am sick, even though I know they probably get tired of hearing it. It's nice to have somewhere to tell my story, just for the sake of telling it, and knowing that someone might actually be interested in what I have to say.
The pattern that I seem to have is constipation - not always total, some days I just know I'm not going as much as I should be. Then, after a few days of that, I get cramps and spasms so horrible that I've told my husband this has to be what childbirth feels like, even though we have no children.
On one hand, it makes me feel like I'll be able to handle labor pain. I have seen some other women on this site who have compared their IBS pain to labor pain, and it helps to validate my feelings. After the pain subsides, I am usually exhausted - shaky and needing to lie down. My whole body seems to tense up in an effort to fight the pain.
With the spasms I may or may not have diarrhea, but what I almost always have for sure is three to four days of severe soreness and bloating, with gas that hurts terribly as it floats around in there. My last attack left me doubled over, walking as slowly as possible, for half a day before I could stand up straight.
I have been blessed - and I believe it is the grace of God - that I have avoided having any accidents as a result of it, although I've had some close calls. Asian food (MSG?) for me is more or less off-limits now, as it almost always causes a near accident for me, before I can even get home from the restaurant.
I have some form of discomfort every day - gas, bloating, nausea - but I still basically live my life just as I would without the illness. It is an embarrassing illness, but I find that most people I have to explain it to are extremely sympathetic and polite. Long car rides and staying in other people's homes don't frighten me - I deal with them as they come. It has, however, caused me to miss enough work that my employer is working on some form of disability loophole so I can keep my job.
I've been given Bentyl and fiber therapy, which have proven to make the symptoms worse by causing gas, or causing other symptoms such as drowsiness which don't help me function normally any more than the symptoms do. I've had an upper GI and an ultrasound (my symptoms are terribly exacerbated by menstrual hormones) and I am scheduled for a colonoscopy. My guess is they'll find nothing but good old IBS.
I've heard a little bit about IBS causing weight gain, and I'm beginning to wonder about the merits of that theory, because I have gained 70 pounds since my symptoms began to worsen, and the last two times I attempted a weight loss program, I spent an entire month losing and re-gaining the same eight or so pounds.
Sometimes weight loss seems hopeless, because so many fruits and vegetables make me sick and if I get too hungry, I'm in pain. Also, the constipation-diarrhea pattern can make your weight vary so drastically from day to day that very few of my weigh-ins are encouraging.
Hopefully someone will see this story and realize they're not alone, they're going to be okay, and they can still live their lives. I believe God is a healer and I can only trust that He has a purpose for this illness in this point of my life. I pray everyone who visits this site finds a way to manage their IBS. Thank you for allowing me to "gripe" about mine.
E-mail Mandy: likethisthis[at]hotmail.com
The tale of...Guitargirl
I stumbled across this website in a desperate cry to find others who I can relate to with this depressing disease. My first IBS bout came about two years ago. I was going through a very stressful time and let's just say I had 'the accident'. It brought on an onslaught of anxiety problems with it.
Like so many of you, I too fear leaving the house. It is a nightmare. I only feel safe at home where I know there is a clean toilet and that I can relax. I refuse to carpool with people for those unexpected 'gotta go' times that happen so often when I drive.
I work about 45 miles from home and I call in sick a lot. My job has been on the line. Traffic always seems to know when I have to go and I find that the more worked up I get in it when I have to go, the worse it gets. I refuse to eat out, and my fiancé gets very frustrated with me because I won't go to social events for fear of having to "go". I sing and play guitar in a rock band and can't even hang around after a show cause usually I am so nervous I have to race home to go to the bathroom.
I also suffer from emetophobia, which is the fear of vomiting. I can't be around it, do it, see it, hear it. I have done it once in my life (knock on wood). I get the worst panic attacks if I am around it. I now feel as if I am becoming phobic of having the runs too.
This is no way to live. I can't enjoy a normal life. Every day my stomach is in turmoil and prevents me from doing a plethora of things. It is ALWAYS on my mind...I'm gonna have to go. My doctors say it's stress-induced IBS, they won't test me or anything unless I have black stool or blood in my stool. Damn HMOs.
I am miserable. I feel robbed of joyous moments in my life. I have tried altering my diet and exercise but nothing really has helped. You know those people that are 'autotrophs'? They don't need food or water? Sometimes I wish I could be one of them. Better yet, I wish my bowel movements would just magically vanish and I would never have to go.
I am beginning to ramble. I just wanted to thank Sophie for this wonderful site. I did find some good ideas from other posts that I am going to try.
E-mail Guitargirl: sysfail[at]cox.net